Guess who’s back?

Let’s start over.

It has been forever since I’ve done this.  I created this blog to help me move forward with a breakup. It was supposed to detail out the journey on finding myself and becoming a better person. It did that, but after some time, I lost touch, inspiration and the perseverance to keep up with this blog. I didn’t know how to pick it back up.

Move forward to today. 

I’m getting married in less than a year — 357 days to be exact. Sometimes, it feels like I’ve lost my previous self. They say that the journey to becoming a better person is by looking within yourself. Let’s do that, shall we? 

Where am I now?

Pinatubo 14km Trek around September. I died
I am unhealthy. I’m out of shape, and overweight. I’m 5’5″ tall (165.10 cm), and I weigh around 173 lbs (78 kilos). I used to weigh only at around 115 lbs to 125 lbs, a couple of years ago. Yes, I used to be younger, and metabolism was my friend then. Today, it’s a different case. I’ve hit the 30 mark two years ago, and everything is slowing down. I have a hard time breathing, my back and knees hurt every so now and then, and I always lose my breath. If my 25 year old self saw me now, she wouldn’t be happy. She would laugh and think it is a joke.

How’s my mental state, you ask? I would usually project that I’m 80% okay. It’s not true. Because of how I look and feel with my physical state, I’ve become less secure with myself. Self-esteem is at a low, and though I try to do the things that make me happy, it doesn’t seem to work. It also doesn’t help when you hear people constantly mention that I gained so much weight. It has become so bad that whenever I would see people or family I haven’t seen in a while, I would volunteer the topic. I would say, “Why, yes, I’m fat. Or, yes, I gained so much weight.”

I never laughed at other people who were either as heavy or heavier than me before. For me, that’s who you are. If you were my friend, I loved and accepted you, without question. But, I would also think that I wouldn’t even want to be in their predicament because it’s hard. People laugh at you, talk behind your back, and you get a ton of criticisms. Which is why I believe that fat-shaming is completely wrong. It makes the person going through it feel bad and you don’t know the type of defenses they have inside. You don’t know if they’re capable of fending off the negativity you gave them.


So what’s next?

Yes, I’m getting married. My fiance is the same guy who I had problems with when this blog started. We’ve learned to accept our differences and what compromise actually means. When we get married, I want to be at least back to how I used to be — physical and mental wise. A marriage can’t work if you’re not actually a 100 percent well. Friends have been pushing me to start blogging again, and even creating a YouTube channel. I know this blog has only seen the sappy and emotional side of me, and that’s about to change. Those friends say that I’m a happy, cheery and optimistic person. Only a vlog can translate that. I hope that I can inspire those of you who are going through the same struggles.

This blog/vlog is going to help me and hopefully, you dear reader, with that. Let’s begin.