The Philippines is one of the many countries wherein you’ll find grown adults living with their parents. It’s no surprise when even married folk could and would still live with their parents, siblings and other family members. We, Filipinos, are proud of the fact that we have close family ties.
However, as time moves on, people start going through changes. Many Filipino young adults now have started living alone and on their own. Honestly, it takes a lot of courage to go through this. There are some who live on their own and still rely on their parents. Whereas some, solely rely on their hard earnings and savings.
When I decided to move out of my aunt’s house, I was still with the ex then. We were doing great at that time, and he even helped me with the essentials. We cleaned up the place, placed everything in their perspective places.. and when I would need help, I’d usually wait for him to arrive. Everything that was needed to be done was divided into two. He, being the man, had the luck of doing everything that was heavy and required lots of work and muscle. I, of course, did the dainty things and didn’t really worry about it.
When he left, I had to get used to not having a man around. When I needed help with heavy things, I’d just leave it be and find another way on how I could get through it. I was very sad with how things were. Not only did I feel so weak, but of all times when I hated men, I realized how much I needed them. You can only cry so much and let yourself be down… Enough is enough.
For the past months, I’ve started doing things on my own. My room looks totally different from how the ex and I, moved things in. I was able to move my bed and the tv stand all by myself. I’ve cooked and baked up a storm with my friend Mylor. I’m now thinking of repainting my walls to a different color, and possibly adding other stuff to my house.
Looking back, I know that I’m in a really different place now. When I started living alone, I had him to rely on and run to which changed when we broke up. Now, I just have myself and it feels so much better. It definitely feels good to be more independent!
To be honest, it gets lonely sometimes with how quiet it could be around me, and I wish that I could just call like before and he would be there with me. It was definitely difficult when the breakup was still new, but, I’ve learned to embrace the solitude and have learned to appreciate it and make it work with my situation now. A midst the busy world we are in, a little isolation isn’t too bad.
People say that creating lists makes life much more organized. I do make lists, but somehow, I end up forgetting, losing, or misplacing them. It’s often associated with other things that I own– I definitely suck with keeping things. It’s typical Gemini behavior when you have so many thoughts in your head, you seem to lose focus on what you’re supposed to do at that time. No way am I trying to make an excuse for my flighty ways.
Why am I talking about lists? For some odd reason, the very first post I had, had a couple of suggestions of things that I should do to keep myself busy. Strangely enough, almost all of them are happening. Has this ever happened to any of you?
All I could remember is that I was a mess on that day. I couldn’t even think of doing anything but just curl up in a ball in my room and cry. My friend just gave me a suggestion to start blogging again and talk about things that I should do. Hence, the post, and the suggestion list.
I’ve just reached the 6 month mark. In the Philippines, people joke around that the mourning process is just 3 months because of the movie, One More Chance. Days before the actual date, I started feeling weird. I know, I said in my earlier post that I’m done with being sad. I couldn’t help it though for the past days. There were days that all I could do was just pray and ask the Lord for strength to get through this.
What gives? I’m guessing it was probably that other part of me that still hoped for an alternative solution of what I have now. It finally woke up and realized that there really was no hope anymore. I seriously felt like hitting myself in the head for being such a weakling in this situation, but I guess it’s a part of the moving on process. It’s a case of over-analyzing everything; thus making myself feel worse than I actually should.
I owe it to myself to actually admit, that I will have days that I’m not okay about this. I will have days that I’m happy knowing that he’s no longer in my life, and there will be days that I would have completely forgotten who he is and was in my life. For the past months, I’ve had my share of breakup hangovers, depression, and a lot of mood swings. Ever since I talked about letting it all go, it feels as if a huge weight has been lifted off me. I know I’ll still have withdrawals and possibly small hangovers, but I know, and pray that it will be easier now.
Now, the list has made everything easier for me. So I’ve decided to summarize everything and see the path I went through which brought me to where I am today.
1. Joined Days With The Lord – This experience has truly opened my eyes to a lot of things. A relationship with the Lord is often looked upon with fear and angst. Sadly, a lot of people don’t realize that it’s a bit of the same like having a friend, and working on that relationship. This has truly made things a bit easier for me, and I can’t complain, I have new people I consider as family.
2. Out of town trips – This year is definitely a year of trips for me. I’ve possibly gone out-of-town a couple of times already, and I seriously enjoyed every minute of it. I met new people, had new experiences and have gotten to know myself on a more personal level. Bohol, Boracay, Tagaytay, and Los Baños will never be looked at the same way again.
3. Balikbayans (Filipinos returning to the Philippines for a visit/permanent stay) – These past few months have been hectic due to friends coming back for visits. It’s one of the reasons why I’ve been so busy. Like what I said before, it actually is and was a blessing in disguise. They all seemed to come right after the other.
4. Nonstop Night Outs- I couldn’t really count the several times I’ve gone out, surrounded myself with music, positive people, and anything that could divert my attention to something else. It made the nights easier to get through, and I was no longer stuck in the 4 corners of my house.
5. Being Healthier – My physical health has hit an all time low this year. I’ve been to the doctor a couple of times, and have been in and out of the office. I realized that I need to remove some of my unhealthy practices. I’ve started to exercise again, and eat better. There are still some things I need to work on, but it will come eventually. 🙂 I am celebrating though, because for the first time in 3 years, I’m back to 123 lbs! 🙂
What’s to come next? 🙂
1. Singapore – This was just really a whim, when I placed it on my suggestion post, it was just a hypothetical thing. I didn’t really think it would push through. Oh, but I realized as each month passed, I need to do this. I’m so excited to travel on my own, eat the things I want to, and see old friends who are based in Singapore. I seriously have a countdown until my trip! Tickets are already booked and my vacation leaves have already been approved.
2. Business A & B – They’re a bit hush-hush as of the moment, but my friends and I are slowly collaborating on all of this. Hopefully, if it doesn’t push through this year, it will come to effect next year. I’m so excited for this because, one of it has been my passion ever since highschool. 🙂
3. … ?
That’s all I can absolutely think of now… I’m sure more will be added to the list soon.
I guess without me knowing, the lists –be it due to work or something else, has totally made my life more organized. Even if I like and want everything to be spontaneous, I guess, I really can’t let order get out of my life. It’s only through that, that things will eventually be okay.
Has anything happened like that to you guys? Well, here’s wishing positive thoughts and blessings to my silent readers. 🙂
When a person gets out of a relationship, they suddenly realize that they were dumped with a lot of time on their hands. They keep on wishing that time was fast-forwarded to the future, when they would no longer think of what to do with all the ample time on their hands. I distinctly remember feeling that way, and I’m sure a lot of you could relate as well.
Well, I got my wish! Without realizing it, my weekends are booked till Lord knows when, and my weekdays are thrown into work-related activities. I cannot even begin to fathom how I got myself into this schedule. Well, I lie. Of course I know how I got myself into this. I wanted to forget and not pine for him. The Lord is extremely kind, because everything has fallen into place. Everything is a bit easier now.
I can’t help but want to rest as well though. Sometimes, I find myself emotionally and physically so tired from all the activities I make myself do, because just one moment that I give myself to think… I find everything going.. KABOOM! (Apology inserted here) My extreme apologies to family and friends that I’ve promised for certain activities, and ended up being a no-show. It’s not intended, I promise. I can prove that my 27-year-old body is no longer the same as my 22-year-old body. I get tired. 🙂
So moving on and forward to the coming months, next thing I know, this blog would have reached a year already! I’ve realized that aside from making myself busy with the people I love, I’ve also pushed myself into things I normally wouldn’t have done a year ago. I am starting a business with my friends, going out of the country, going to a province I haven’t been in the Philippines, started exercising again… If this isn’t getting to know myself, then I really don’t know what is. I’ve also opened myself up to more people, considered meeting new people and just being a better person.
I don’t want to be numb anymore. I’ve been numb for a couple of months already, and I think, it’s about time that I say, “Enough is enough.” It’s never going to go away, this love that I have for him, but I think I need to stop letting people who have bad intentions near me, and it’s sad that he’s a part of that group. So goodbye to those who pretend to be friends but they actually just need things, goodbye to those who want to be friends just to know more news, and goodbye to people who think I’m an easy catch since I’m in a vulnerable state.
I deserve better, I know that I deserve to be happy. I’m no longer letting anyone get in my way to stop me from being so.