Hoping to Return to Familiar Footing.

by Petia PapazovaWhy the silence?

I usually am never at a loss for words. Place me in a situation where I would need to make new friends/acquaintances, I would come out with not just one but two or more new friends. But this time, I was lost. It felt like blogging was a forced ritual for me. It was sad, because this is therapy for me.

What changed now? Something you would probably ask; I guess it was a multitude of things happening in my life.

It’s been a year and more since I started this blog. It lead me to greater paths and I believe, a much stronger person. Somehow though, you have to go through any form of silence to come to terms with what’s in front of you.

Like I mentioned earlier, it was a number of reasons which lead me to my abrupt break. It was really not just about the ex coming back– it was also trying to cope with who I was becoming and changing into. I thought I was done with change, but change is never really over with anything at all. I’m at a loss of where I actually want to be in my life. I know what I want for my future, but I feel scared that every step I take seems to be taking me further away from it. It’s as if I was starting to get scared of taking risks when I never really was before.

If you must know, the ex and I are not back together. Upon getting to know each other again, we both realized that we still need to fix a lot of things with ourselves. It’s no longer a priority to be with someone, but to actually be happy and satisfied with just our own self. So we still see each other, but we have a more important agenda, if you will, to work on. Love of a partner is less important than Love of Self.

With everything I have learned recently, I realized that it’s the mindset that I have that limits me from achieving great things. It’s what stops me from moving on– from pushing myself beyond the boundaries. It could be a result from my upbringing, experiences and environment that I was exposed to. I have to stop it now.

I guess, this blog still fits the theme. Everyday is a renewal of the past. To face the future, one must be aware of the risks, changes and unusual events that will come their way. Why not? Everyone wants a new beginning. It just has to start with you, me, and everyone else.

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Day 248: My Love Affair with Blogging

Before anything else, I’ve added a new page! It will focus on the trips I’ve gone on for the past year, and maybe the years to follow too. Please check out the trips page, and hopefully it can help you when you do want to go and visit the places I’ve been to!:)

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Pen and Paper
Traditional Writing: Pen and Paper via hayleymelissa.com

I’ve racked my brain and heart in finding the right inspiration for my next post here on 365. I know there are so many topics I could blog about, but to find a certain topic that I am ready and would love to write about is a bit difficult. As many of you know, I write every other two weeks or so. I find that blogging or writing for me can be a bit of a struggle. I am an aspiring blogger/writer/whatever you call it, but I am not one of those talented writers/bloggers that can write/blog about anything under the sun with just a snap of a finger. Shakespeare, Virginia Woolf, and Jane Austen; I am definitely not.

I do envy them somehow, and wish I could be more like that.

Continue reading “Day 248: My Love Affair with Blogging”

Day 198: On Living Alone.

The Philippines is one of the many countries wherein you’ll find grown adults living with their parents. It’s no surprise when even married folk could and would still live with their parents, siblings and other family members. We, Filipinos, are proud of the fact that we have close family ties.

However, as time moves on, people start going through changes. Many Filipino young adults now have started living alone and on their own. Honestly, it takes a lot of courage to go through this. There are some who live on their own and still rely on their parents. Whereas some, solely rely on their hard earnings and savings.

My Mom's side of the Family

When I decided to move out of my aunt’s house, I was still with the ex then. We were doing great at that time, and he even helped me with the essentials. We cleaned up the place, placed everything in their perspective places.. and when I would need help, I’d usually wait for him to arrive.  Everything that was needed to be done was divided into two. He, being the man, had the luck of doing everything that was heavy and required lots of work and muscle. I, of course, did the dainty things and didn’t really worry about it.

When he left, I had to get used to not having a man around. When I needed help with heavy things, I’d just leave it be and find another way on how I could get through it. I was very sad with how things were. Not only did I feel so weak, but of all times when I hated men, I realized how much I needed them. You can only cry so much and let yourself be down… Enough is enough.

For the past months, I’ve started doing things on my own. My room looks totally different from how the ex and I, moved things in. I was able to move my bed and the tv stand all by myself. I’ve cooked and baked up a storm with my friend Mylor. I’m now thinking of repainting my walls to a different color, and possibly adding other stuff to my house.

Looking back, I know that I’m in a really different place now. When I started living alone, I had him to rely on and run to which changed when we broke up. Now, I just have myself and it feels so much better. It definitely feels good to be more independent!

To be honest, it gets lonely sometimes with how quiet it could be around me, and I wish that I could just call like before and he would be there with me. It was definitely difficult when the breakup was still new, but,  I’ve learned to embrace the solitude and have learned to appreciate it and make it work with my situation now. A midst the busy world we are in, a little isolation isn’t too bad.

Day 185: On the Rarity of Mutual Need

via Ibai Acevedo

For the past month, I’ve been reading Catherine’s blog. It definitely has helped me and has made me see the other side of the situation I’m in. On one of her posts, she shared a passage she got from another blog.. I have to say, I fell in love with this passage, and would like to share it with you guys.

I believed in her right from the first night I met her, in May, in a small café under the chestnut trees. Beautiful and romantic. Only she never fell in love with me. I was desperately in love with her. It’s a strange thing, how you can love somebody, how you can be all eaten up inside with needing them–and they simply don’t need you. That’s all there is to it, and neither of you can do anything about it. And they’ll be the same way with someone else, and someone else will be the same way about you and it goes on and on–this desperate need–and only once in a rare million do the same two people need each other.”–The Small Rain, by Madeleine L’Engle

Here’s wishing a great weekend for everyone. 🙂