I usually am never at a loss for words. Place me in a situation where I would need to make new friends/acquaintances, I would come out with not just one but two or more new friends. But this time, I was lost. It felt like blogging was a forced ritual for me. It was sad, because this is therapy for me.
What changed now? Something you would probably ask; I guess it was a multitude of things happening in my life.
It’s been a year and more since I started this blog. It lead me to greater paths and I believe, a much stronger person. Somehow though, you have to go through any form of silence to come to terms with what’s in front of you.
Like I mentioned earlier, it was a number of reasons which lead me to my abrupt break. It was really not just about the ex coming back– it was also trying to cope with who I was becoming and changing into. I thought I was done with change, but change is never really over with anything at all. I’m at a loss of where I actually want to be in my life. I know what I want for my future, but I feel scared that every step I take seems to be taking me further away from it. It’s as if I was starting to get scared of taking risks when I never really was before.
If you must know, the ex and I are not back together. Upon getting to know each other again, we both realized that we still need to fix a lot of things with ourselves. It’s no longer a priority to be with someone, but to actually be happy and satisfied with just our own self. So we still see each other, but we have a more important agenda, if you will, to work on. Love of a partner is less important than Love of Self.
With everything I have learned recently, I realized that it’s the mindset that I have that limits me from achieving great things. It’s what stops me from moving on– from pushing myself beyond the boundaries. It could be a result from my upbringing, experiences and environment that I was exposed to. I have to stop it now.
I guess, this blog still fits the theme. Everyday is a renewal of the past. To face the future, one must be aware of the risks, changes and unusual events that will come their way. Why not? Everyone wants a new beginning. It just has to start with you, me, and everyone else.