People say that creating lists makes life much more organized. I do make lists, but somehow, I end up forgetting, losing, or misplacing them. It’s often associated with other things that I own– I definitely suck with keeping things. It’s typical Gemini behavior when you have so many thoughts in your head, you seem to lose focus on what you’re supposed to do at that time. No way am I trying to make an excuse for my flighty ways.
Why am I talking about lists? For some odd reason, the very first post I had, had a couple of suggestions of things that I should do to keep myself busy. Strangely enough, almost all of them are happening. Has this ever happened to any of you?
All I could remember is that I was a mess on that day. I couldn’t even think of doing anything but just curl up in a ball in my room and cry. My friend just gave me a suggestion to start blogging again and talk about things that I should do. Hence, the post, and the suggestion list.
I’ve just reached the 6 month mark. In the Philippines, people joke around that the mourning process is just 3 months because of the movie, One More Chance. Days before the actual date, I started feeling weird. I know, I said in my earlier post that I’m done with being sad. I couldn’t help it though for the past days. There were days that all I could do was just pray and ask the Lord for strength to get through this.
What gives? I’m guessing it was probably that other part of me that still hoped for an alternative solution of what I have now. It finally woke up and realized that there really was no hope anymore. I seriously felt like hitting myself in the head for being such a weakling in this situation, but I guess it’s a part of the moving on process. It’s a case of over-analyzing everything; thus making myself feel worse than I actually should.
I owe it to myself to actually admit, that I will have days that I’m not okay about this. I will have days that I’m happy knowing that he’s no longer in my life, and there will be days that I would have completely forgotten who he is and was in my life. For the past months, I’ve had my share of breakup hangovers, depression, and a lot of mood swings. Ever since I talked about letting it all go, it feels as if a huge weight has been lifted off me. I know I’ll still have withdrawals and possibly small hangovers, but I know, and pray that it will be easier now.
Now, the list has made everything easier for me. So I’ve decided to summarize everything and see the path I went through which brought me to where I am today.
1. Joined Days With The Lord – This experience has truly opened my eyes to a lot of things. A relationship with the Lord is often looked upon with fear and angst. Sadly, a lot of people don’t realize that it’s a bit of the same like having a friend, and working on that relationship. This has truly made things a bit easier for me, and I can’t complain, I have new people I consider as family.
2. Out of town trips – This year is definitely a year of trips for me. I’ve possibly gone out-of-town a couple of times already, and I seriously enjoyed every minute of it. I met new people, had new experiences and have gotten to know myself on a more personal level. Bohol, Boracay, Tagaytay, and Los Baños will never be looked at the same way again.
3. Balikbayans (Filipinos returning to the Philippines for a visit/permanent stay) – These past few months have been hectic due to friends coming back for visits. It’s one of the reasons why I’ve been so busy. Like what I said before, it actually is and was a blessing in disguise. They all seemed to come right after the other.
4. Nonstop Night Outs- I couldn’t really count the several times I’ve gone out, surrounded myself with music, positive people, and anything that could divert my attention to something else. It made the nights easier to get through, and I was no longer stuck in the 4 corners of my house.
5. Being Healthier – My physical health has hit an all time low this year. I’ve been to the doctor a couple of times, and have been in and out of the office. I realized that I need to remove some of my unhealthy practices. I’ve started to exercise again, and eat better. There are still some things I need to work on, but it will come eventually. 🙂 I am celebrating though, because for the first time in 3 years, I’m back to 123 lbs! 🙂
What’s to come next? 🙂
1. Singapore – This was just really a whim, when I placed it on my suggestion post, it was just a hypothetical thing. I didn’t really think it would push through. Oh, but I realized as each month passed, I need to do this. I’m so excited to travel on my own, eat the things I want to, and see old friends who are based in Singapore. I seriously have a countdown until my trip! Tickets are already booked and my vacation leaves have already been approved.
2. Business A & B – They’re a bit hush-hush as of the moment, but my friends and I are slowly collaborating on all of this. Hopefully, if it doesn’t push through this year, it will come to effect next year. I’m so excited for this because, one of it has been my passion ever since highschool. 🙂
3. … ?
That’s all I can absolutely think of now… I’m sure more will be added to the list soon.
I guess without me knowing, the lists –be it due to work or something else, has totally made my life more organized. Even if I like and want everything to be spontaneous, I guess, I really can’t let order get out of my life. It’s only through that, that things will eventually be okay.
Has anything happened like that to you guys? Well, here’s wishing positive thoughts and blessings to my silent readers. 🙂