Days 13-16. Tears and Smiles.


 

Mama and Auntie Ditz
Mama and Auntie Ditz

Was supposed to sleep, but couldn’t sleep. Argh. Maybe when I’m done posting, I’ll be able to finally fall asleep.

 

It seemed like last weekend was a weekend of tears. I finally got to finish Marley and Me, hoping that it would be a feel good movie. I was so wrong. I ended up crying a bucket of tears, ended up missing Papu and stuff that I’m not supposed to think about. Apparently, avoidance is my best defense mechanism yet. :)) So there I was, packing for the weekend, while watching and thinking about where the hell I was going after all of this… and I guess it got me thinking.

I’ve always had the strongest faith in our group of friends. I’m proud of it, because I knew that the relationship that He and I had, was the best relationship I had, ever. For some reasons that I shall just keep to myself, I found that relationship headed to breakville. I was more upset, but I didn’t know how to make things better. Apparently, the only thing I needed to do was pray and give myself to Him.

It’s funny how He makes everything work to His and our benefit. It was just right that the break up happened right before the weekend. It was just right that everything was no longer going well with me. It was just right that I was on an all-time low. He does move in mysterious ways.

I went into the weekend as any person would. Scared. I was so caught up in the emotion and I was thinking of so many things that frustrated me, shucks, I had no clue which side was up or down. I shall not tell the secrets of DWTL, they will remain sacred of course. 🙂 What I will say though is, people should try to experience that on their own. They should go through it with an open heart and an open mind. It’s definitely different. It woke me up to so many things, and I’m so glad that I have Him by my side now. 🙂 I’m no longer scared, in fact I know I’ll have to face so many things now, but it’s okay since I’m ready for it. 🙂

Today, work was a breeze for me. It didn’t matter that some clients were being jerks, I just didn’t really care.

Bella
Bella

I was just praying to Him to give me strength and to help me smile throughout the day.

Sadly though, at the end of the day, I received a text from my Aunt. My lola’s health is deteriorating.

I’m praying my bestest and hoping that if this is really it, everything should come peacefully. My heart breaks into smaller pieces every time she starts shivering, cries out in pain or when she would repeat everything again. Part of me cries out, because this is not the Mama Lola I grew up with. She was so independent then and would get mad at you if you even try to help her. Then again, everyone grows old… I just really pray that things would be peaceful and comfortable for her when the time comes.

What’s good I guess is that Bella is here, at least I’m smiling which makes everything better. 🙂

 

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