Allow me to have a day of sentimental thoughts. I believe that it is a part of the moving on process.
We’ve been with each other for the past 3 years and 5 months of my life. It’s long for others; for why we broke up, it’s considered short–short and lucky enough for me to move on and start anew.
I always remember that when I was with you, that I would feel the need to be with you and to just need you. Now that you’re not here, I feel it even more. It breaks my heart knowing that you’re not here with me.
It’s always great to know that my direction in life has greatly improved since we got together. You helped me achieve a part of my dream. It’s sad now that I’ve grown to be something that anyone would be proud of, and yet, you were somehow lost and was not able to make that part of you grow. You have said that the area that we differ in is the emotional part of ourselves. I know what I want to have in my future relationships… But you don’t. I know how I want to be treated like, and how I want it to progress into something positive, strong, and beautiful, in my life. Sadly, you don’t know what you want specifically.
You made me believe that what we had was something strong and great… I guess I may have not helped you believe in it.
I have been up and up this past week, acting as if a 3 year relationship I was in didn’t end. Little did I know that I was breaking into so many pieces inside. Once I found myself alone in my dark room, I felt reality slapping me so many times in the face.
I miss you.
The things you have made me believe in were what made me into who I am now. When people would bring me down, you would stand by my side, hold my hands and assure that I could go on and be something greater than what anyone was thinking of me. You made me believe that I was enough.
I was in love with you, with what we were, with what we had. I’m slowly trying to let go and move on from that. I thought that you were the end to all the painful things that people get from love. Unfortunately, I was so wrong.
I know that things will be come better and all the worrying that has overpopulated my mind will disappear. I know that I will learn to love someone again, laugh genuinely, heck, even sing love songs again without tearing up. But for now, I’ll just have to learn to accept the pain of my heart breaking, trying new things and avoiding everything that reminds me of you.
I get scared when it gets really quiet and I find myself alone.. It’s the hardest time for me to face.. I end up remembering the smallest moments we have shared–so little in detail and yet brings the most pain in this whole experience.
Quoting the singer Adele, “sometimes in love it lasts and sometimes it hurts instead.” Obviously, we were not something that would last.
I’m saying goodbye now, this is it for me. I’m done. It hurts, but the decision was made by you. I’ve accepted everything that you’ve told me. I’m accepting everything that is needed to be accepted.
I pray that in the future, we do find that love that lasts, and that we deserve to get.